Where does my gun go? Where should I put my gun? Why don’t I have my gun? These are pretty simple questions. Most of the time the quick answer is, “in my hand”, “wherever I want”, or “I don’t believe in guns. The last one is always funny to me, because they DO exist!
The question does remain and there are so many right or wrong answers to this question.
Here is my take. Put your gun where you need it.
My pens are on my desk. I keep the television remote (or “clicker” for older folk) on the coffee table. I keep my toothbrush in the bathroom. These are obvious places for items that are used in their perspective environments. Sometimes the kids think that the remote belongs on the floor, or stuck between thee couch cushions, but that is a whole other topic. The point is, put the stuff that you need in the places you need it.
Where do you need your gun?
Imagine you are in the house in any room and you realize that there has been a breach by an intruder that means harm to you and your loved one. Where are you? Are you in your bedroom? Is there a game on and you have your feet resting on the coffee table? It is dinner time and you have your vegan, gluten free sweet potato and veggie enchilada bake in your mouth? Are you dumping a load on the white porcelain throne? Pick a spot in your mind where you might be, and then think about reaching for your side arm. Is it close?
Well, before you answer “where you need your gun”, you might need to ask what do you need your gun for? If your gun is a hunting rifle, well you might need it for hunting. If you are shooting skeet, you may not need it in the kitchen. Guns have a purpose like a tool, so typically you will use them for that purpose. For the sake of keeping this topic relatively tame, our environment is going to be within the household. Since we are not hunting, or skeet shooting in the house, we are going to focus more on the defensive position. So, where do you need your gun in the house for a defensive measure?
“My side arm is always by my side because I have it holstered on my hip 24 hours a day!”
No you don’t. Let’s be real. You are not your fantasy adventure game character who is strapped at all times, with a keen eye out for trouble. You may very well be reading this on your phone right now in the bathroom with your pants around your ankles.
More than likely, you do not have your gun handy right now. If by some chance you do have it holstered, it is unlikely to be super convenient to grab. Are you sitting down? It is even harder to upholster a weapon.
The fact that you are looking around right now and realize that I am probably right should make you want to continue reading this. You probably feel a bit unprotected right now huh. Sure you have the doors locked and the windows closed. This is good, however based on, my experience as a seventh grader playing the in the front yard, even a whiffle ball can break a window. (My parents were pissed!). You are probably fine. Do not start wearing you flak jacket inside, but consider some things.
You have rooms
You have bathrooms, bedrooms, living rooms, kitchens, dining rooms, rumpus rooms and more. (What’s a rumpus room, click here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rumpus%20room ) In all of these living spaces you are potentially venerable to attack when you least expect it. Let’s run some scenarios.
The Hypothetical Circumstances
The Living Room
You have a cold one in hand and your feet are up. The Anaheim Ducks are losing to the Los Angeles Kings, and the chicken wings are almost done cooking in the oven. Things are going great. It is dark outside and you entire family is home from school, or work and it is just a relaxing night at when when the unexpected happens. BANG! The front door gets kicked in and a stranger is now standing inside the entry way with a gun in hand, and an overwhelming stench of body odor. What do you do? You were just waiting for Kopitar to backhand the biscuit into the basket, and now you have Smelly Intruder inside your house.
The first thing you should do is go to the key rack, and get your keys. Find the right key on your key rack, and then go to your secret hiding spot that no one will find (FYI, it is under the bed), and move the four boxes of shoes you have under there so you can reach your fireproof locker you picked up at the home depot. Push the key into the keyhole, flip it upside down because you did it wrong the first time, flip it over again, because it actually was right the first time, and then unlock your safe. For a split second chuckle about how the key was just like a USB connection, but get back to reality because your family is in jeopardy. Remove the old baseball ticket stubs, and birthday cards you saved, and get your hand gun.
You are almost ready to defend yourself.
Because you felt like it would be safer to keep your ammo in another location, you crawl to one knee, and then to another. You use your free hand to help yourself up because you are getting older and you are not has flexible as you once were. You then walk over to your sock drawer and look for your bullets. Of course you actually put the bullets into your underwear drawer, but you did not remember that until you have dug through all of your socks. With bullets in hand you load one round in at a time, chamber a round, and walk back out to the front door that has been kicked in.
There is so much bad news here. First the Ducks scored because the NHL refs love the Ducks and gave LA a penalty for “skating” or something. Second, everyone has been victimized, and all of your stuff has been stolen.
You have a cold on in hand, and your feet are moving. Shaken your bootie to the sound of puts hitting crossbars, and bodies hitting glass is music to your ears. The chicken wings are almost done. Things are going great. It’s dark, family is home, “BANG!”, …..you get it. Smelly Intruder is inside your house.
The First thing you should do is throw your cold one at Smelly. Since it is probably almost empty you can either reach for another or you can grab a knife. You can’t find keys, go to a lock box, load a gun, and battle. There is just no time.
You have a cold one in hand, and your feet are naked. You’re in bed because you are just too damn tired. You started work this morning at 3 am, and you are too exhausted to stay up to watch the Kings game and eat chicken wings. You are dreaming good thoughts about your life and your future when, “BANG!” A loud noise wakes you up, and a smell hits your nostrils like a dead skunk on the Riverside freeway. You don not know what is going on so you stagger out towards the noise only to find Smelly Intruder who has the upper hand on you. The only good thing here is that you notice that the Kings have a lead on the Ducks.
The first thing you should do is point to the score as a measure of distraction before bolting back to your bedroom to start digging for your peace maker.
The Dining Room
You have a cold one in hand, and your feet are tapping. The dining room table is your spot, because no one is using it tonight, you have to cram for a big exam, and you need the table space. You are still within earshot of the game, and close enough to smell the chicken wings cooking so it is not all back. If you can pass that test AND the Kings win, it will be a good thing. The exam is on chemistry and when you start reading about mixing pure sodium and water, “BANG!” A loud noise makes you drop your book. You look up and your door has been kicked in and a gust of wind blown a whiff of putrid body odor your way. Smelly Intruder is here. (You know the story now.)
The first thing you should do it throw the book at Smelly. Yell something smart like, “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” This is something that can be done to confused Smelly while also trying to block an incoming literary brick. From this point, you will either need to run, accept the incoming wound, make your peace. There are not a lot of options for you right now.
You have a cold one in hand. Oh wait. Not in here. Drinking on the toilet isn’t actually something that we see as being a thing (change our mind.) A Cold on in the shower after a long day, now that is another story! Anyway, your feet are wrapped around with your jeans, and your legs are falling asleep because you have been playing Candy Crush for entirely too long.
Knowing that the Kings are beating the Ducks makes you have a warm feeling, while is one of many you have had over the last few minutes while on the throne. You pass another level, and a little of gas when “BANG!”.
Another splash hits the water and you tilt your head towards where the front door of the house is. You immediately smell an awful smell, and then you realize that you are in the bathroom, and you should not eat so many burritos from Taco Bell.
The first thing you should do it pinch it off clean like a guillotine. This may not be a skill you have, but this might be a time where you need to try. Stand up, grab your pants, and hold your breath while the blood rushes back into your dead zombie legs. Do your best to approach the commotion, and prepare yourself from something else tramatic,. Smelly Intruders body odor. At no point did you even think about grabbing a gun to defend yourself. The one you have is either in a lock box, in a drawer out of reach, or in a holster that probably slipped off your belt loop in the bathroom.
The Rumpus Room
You have a cold one in hand. That is about all you know, because you do not know what a Rumpus Room is. You are probably not even in the house so you are safe from Smelly Intruder.
There are a lot more rooms that I can do this with, but I am sure you get the idea. If you don’t and would like to hear more, please let me know in the comments section below! While you are at it, please like and share this blog. This is a shameless plug here, but I have your attention right now, so I am going to take advantage!
The Question Still Remains
Where do you put your gun? In the circumstances I outlined above, you can imagine that there isn’t an ideal place in mind that comes to the average person immediately. There is a solution to every single one of these situations. The answer still remains in some of these environment, but we are ready to address some of them right now in this year of 2021.
The Living Room Answers
Smelly Intruder is standing in your doorway. You reach for your piece that is resting in or on the coffee table. You are close enough to the remote control sitting on the coffee table, but you are grabbing your noise maker this time and defending yourself.
Right now we do not have a YUP GEAR design that supports this, so you will have to check back on that one. The quick fix in the time being is to mount some magnets to the side of the table to attach your gun to. This is a quick and simple way to handle this, but it is not vey stylish.
The Kitchen Answers
Smelly Intruder is standing in your doorway. You reach for your pistol that is comfortably resting in the SSR. The SSR is the YUP GEAR invention that not only stores your every day kitchen knives, but also your pistol. SSR stands for “Sharp Shooter Rack”, and when you see it you will know it is a great item. Now technically this isn’t ready for release as of April 2021, but it is in development, and this article will be updated when it is released. It is a cool item if we do say so.
The Bedroom Answers
Smelly Intruder is standing in your doorway (SIISIYD). You reach for either your pistol OR shotgun. If you are in bed and want to reach over to the RNR (aka – Rest and Ready). This is another item that is yet to be released. Now I know you are probably saying, “What is going on here?!” The last three “answers” didn’t really do it for me. There isn’t a way around that, and you are right.
Updates will be coming so you will have to check back on that.
As far as the shotgun goes, will this should be ready to go within a few steps as it is a great defender. There is not really any excuse you could provide that would be an acceptable argument for not having a shotgun. These are dummy proof when it come to intimidation, ease of aim, and noise. Just think of Mary McFly climbing in his own bedroom window in Back to the Future Part 2. Marty almost sh*t his pants.
The Dining Room Answers
SIISIYD. You casually reach over to the bookshelf that is supporting all of your favorite novels, and grad your perfectly positioned pistol sitting in the C2C. What is a C2C you ask? It is the “Cover to Cover” Bookend and Pistol Rest. You can see it here: https://www.yupgear.com/product/c2c-cover-to-cover-2/.
This solidly built Baltic Birch beauty enables you to be armed and ready for anything as quick as you can grab it. Before Smelly Intruder know if you have even the odds, and most likely have the drop on him due to your surprising access to both your weapons’, and forms of literacy.
The Bathroom Answers
SIISIYD. You need to pinch it off. Let’s just get that out of the way. I do not want to go into the need or properly wiping at this point. Let’s just assume you guillotined that last one so perfectly that there was nothing left to smear. In a split second you have your gun in hand because you had it resting in your CYA. What is a CYA you ask? The CYA is the “Cover Your Ass”, and you can see it here: https://www.yupgear.com/product/toilet-paper-holder-pistol-rest-cya-cover-your-ass/.
The CYA is the ONLY one of it’s kind on the planet! Your toilet paper roll, gun rest may save your life one day. This is clearly the best defensive advantage you have ever seen while being faced with danger while sitting on the throne. This solution is real, and it is ready to go right now. CYA.
The Rumpus Room Answers
SIISITD. You are probably lost at this point because you do not know where the Rumpus Room is. Just sit down. Someone will come and find you.
There really isn’t a perfect way to defend yourself perfectly other than living in an imaginary bubble of safety. Everyone has a different household with different variables to consider. Maybe no one will ever get through your front door, but there is a weak spot in your perimeter, and you know it needs more support. The solution may be to just fortify it and call it a day, but I feel you still need to plan for a potential breach. It is one of those “better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it” scenarios.
Clearly writing this all out is aimed at exposing some products for you to consider. It would be awesome if you placed some orders right now, but there is something else. I hope you had some fun reading this. I had some fun imagining the scenario, and I must admit that the Smelly Intruder could be a bad guy you love to hate.
Please let me know what you think of all of this with a comment. Let me hear it!